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No matter what sort of connection you have with the people in your life, trust is one of the most precious and essential things that should be present between two individuals. Whether it is a friendship, brotherhood, sisterhood, between spouses, girlfriends and boyfriends, even between family member, trust is one of the most important things.
If you trust a person, you will be comfortable around them; you will also be ready to do a lot for them, it inconveniences you when they are not around you when their absence affects you. That is when you know that you love someone and that you trust them enough to let them in your comfort zone and be a part of it.
There are undoubtedly many ways to find out if your partner or friend trusts you. If they share all their unfiltered feelings, it means that they trust you with all their heart. If they admit when they are wrong, it means they are okay with being vulnerable enough with you to show you that they are not always right. When they are completely okay with sharing every detail of their day, it means they wanted you to be a part of it and trust you enough to tell you everything.
Trust comes with honesty. This means you have to honest with the most important people in your life. Having trust in any relationship in your life means that you are proving to each other that you will always be reliable and that you will be dependable. It is very important that you know what happens to a relationship without trust. It will make you second guess that person; you will not believe each other when you say something to each other, it will also make you feel like they could betray you and also make you obsessively check on them. One of the best examples of mistrust would be, if you are worried that your significant other is cheating on you, you would be checking their phone without their knowledge. A better solution would be if you communicate all your concerns and then develop a sense of trust, all your problems will be resolved. Trust plays a very important component in any healthy relationship. It is important if you want to get close to the person on a deeper emotional basis.
If you trust them, you will also feel like spending more time with them because you will feel really comfortable around them. If you get hurt, they are always there to support you and console you. You think that they could never hurt you. That kind of trust is undoubtedly hard to come by. If you have this kind of trust, make sure you never let it go. Do everything you can to preserve, protect and nurture it.
First and foremost collaborative alliance focus on what needs to be done. Listening to your partner and speaking up for yourself. Collaborative alliance doesn’t float on feeling particularly when they’re not backed up by behavior.
Create a collaborative alliance to re-establish trust with your partner. Relationship repair is the most important thing here. Keeping the faith or trust in your marriage and keeping it going is more important than your fears of your marriage failing.
Pay attention when you drop your collaborative alliance. The more sensitive we are to others dropping their alliances with us, the more we may be to ourselves doing it. Be aware and acknowledge when your drop your side of the collaborative alliances. Being aware how you (not your partner) repeatedly drop your alliance improves things quickly.
How you feel ISN’T the main issue. Getting nervous or feeling pressured doesn’t entitle you to drop your end of things. The key issue in collaborative alliance is living up to your responsibilities.
In a collaborative alliance your responsibilities are unilateral, not mutual or reciprocal. A collaborative alliance involves unilaterally keeping your end of the deal when your partner has temporary dropped theirs. Your partners bad behavior doesn’t excuse your own. Confront your partner about dropping his part of the bargain after you are sure you have fulfilled yours.
They don’t always feel good but they help us grow. Sometimes collaborative alliances require confronting, challenging, and refusing to accommodate. Collaborative alliances are defined by function rather than feeling.
In a collaborative alliance everyone keeps their eyes and ears open and their minds alert. Mind mapping plays an important role. Don’t shield your mind from being read accurately. Asking someone to overlook your shortcomings and offering to overlook his or hers is a collusive alliance (which brings out the worst qualities in those involved in the relationship)
Create a collaborative alliance tests your integrity. People keep their end of good-faith bargain to maintain their own integrity. It’s always easier to drop your alliance and “look out for yourself” in the narrow sense. But as you strengthen your four points of balance and become better differentiated you do what you know to be right in order to be at peace with your self in your own mind. An alliance formed of convenience may look collaborative but when things get difficult it will fall apart.
If your partner begins to lose their self it’s important to hold on to yourself and remain calm within yourself.
If your partner pushes or pulls you off balance, let the other know that you need to readjust then proceed to balance yourself and re-engage in “hugging till relaxed”. Remember to keep your purpose collaborative by letting your partner know you need to readjust and not just drop your collaborative alliance.
Don’t take each others movements or readjustments as personal rejection.
It works best to say “I’m shifting position to get more comfortable. I don’t want to stop.”
Start with a 10 minute long hug to reach a deep relaxed connection.
Start by focusing on your body and slowing your breathing until you are emotionally and physically quiet. If you are unable to quiet down, focus on the emotions, perceptions and memories from your past that occupy your mind. If focusing on breathing doesn’t work, focus on what’s getting in the way and clear your consciousness.
After your get better at “hugging till relaxed” you can add a new layer of attention: what’s happening between you and your partner? Is your partner able to relax? What happens when you deliberately try to change your position? How do you make sense of your partners response?
When “hugging till relaxed” becomes warm, comfortable and reliable, use it to work through prior negative experiences. Briefly focus on mental images and memories of bad times that haunt you then return to focusing on your body, your solid relationship with your partner and the feel and smell of them.
“hugging till relaxed” gets the two hemispheres communicating with each other. Trauma further isolates the two hemispheres from working and communicating effectively.
Create a collaborative alliance in order to see your ability to see yourself in the past, present and future (“mental time travel”) predominantly comes from your right hemisphere. Mind-mapping mostly occurs there as well. The left hemisphere tries to interpret this using autobiographical memories retrieved by your right hemisphere, searching out the cause and effect relationships through linear logical DEDUCTIVE (from the whole to a part) thinking. If there are holes in you autobiographical memory, or your left and right hemispheres don’t communicate, your brain will readily construct a picture of your life that’s inaccurate enough to keep your anxiety down and accurate enough to keep your mind’s deception-detector from going off.“hugging till relaxed” sets the stage for “heads on pillows”
If your intimacy tolerance isn’t challenged by “hugging till relaxed”, “heads on pillows may do that.
With your mind and eyes, try to touch your partners heart.
One partner touches the other, while both of you mentally follow your point of physical connection as it moves. Instead of focusing on sexual technique (or on your physical sensations) focus on feeling each other.
Start off with hands, face and arms. When you can’t feel your partner, stop briefly and return to what you were doing when you could. Discipline yourself to stick with what works and stay in the moment with your partner. Talking is appropriate. Smiling helps. Crying is allowed. Tears often flow as partners rediscover old friends. Slow-paced touch usually works best.
Candles, incense and music can help set a relaxing mood.
“hugging till relaxed”, “heads on pillows”, and “feeling while touching” have something in common.